How this got started...

Here's a post on my main blog, where I've been for nearly four years, talking about what prompted me to start a separate blog to talk about my journey to a healthier, more whole person. I've started talking about it with Hubby and it feels good to share this with him. But I know there's lots of it I'll just have to work through on my own. I need to do this, long to actually, because as I watched The Biggest Loser last night on TV, I saw the possibilities of what life could have been like had I not made the decision in early 2004 to take the weight off, lose 80 pounds and make some effort to understand a little of why I let myself get that unhealthy. I would have qualified for that show five years ago, and I'm grateful now that I wouldn't, at least physically. I do wonder though, with some of what I am learning about myself these days if I need something like that to help me emotionally. I hope this project can be partly me working through the emotions that come from my relationship with my body, my self-image, and my perception of how others view me.

And I hate to say it, but in one couple, the older one, I saw my parents and I sat on the couch crying. My Mom and Dad are the loveliest people, loving to the core of who they are, and they have always struggled with food and weight. And I worry about them, that their lives will be shortened because they aren't taking care of themselves. My Dad especially... in the older gentleman on that show last night I saw my Daddy and I cried. And it hit me that if I don't get a handle of the emotions of this NOW, I WILL be dealing with them still when I'm in my sixties as well.

Another motivation is something I wrote (I was blogging for most of that weight loss journey if you're interested in reading more about that) at You Just Never Know when I discovered my BMI, (body mass index) as arbitrary as that marker seems to be, showed me as no longer being obese. It's about living long and well, and I still want that, actually thought I had 'accomplished' health but now know the truth... living healthy is just that... living daily working at being healthy.

So here we go... yesterday was another good day. I ate right but felt VERY hungry after working out in the evening. I ate an apple and drank some chai tea after my shower... the right choice! I worked out for 30 minutes on the treadmill and did some resistance training while I watched a bit of TV. All day I made good eating choices, but I still at times found myself spitting out bites (while baking or fixing kid's meals) that I put in my mouth without even thinking about it. That will again take some work to think through each bite for awhile til I have good habits back. I also "lost" a couple points by eating food I shouldn't have (like mac-n-cheese that I made for the kids for lunch) which left me at the end of the day with not enough for a more filling snack. That will teach me, huh? All in all though, another good day...