that is how today was. I stayed busy which always helps in the eating department although I must admit it's hard to distract myself when I'm stuck in a house with two kiddos who are coughing. I really crave being outside and moving, crave it. And boredom kicks in... anyone else find the 4-6 pm time brutal? Bug wanted to make cookies because she was "bored, Mom". Peanut butter oatmeal cookies it was. I haven't had a single one although I did dip into the dough twice for a lick. So I did okay on that...
But I must get off here and get the dishes done and down to the treadmill before I lose what little energy I have left to exercise.
But let me admit this too... I've been thinking alot, and I mean alot, about when this all started... why is weight such an issue for me? And why has it been that way for so long, even when I wasn't overweight? I mean in high school, I was a cheerleader and had a 23 inch waist. I look at my high school graduation pictures and wow... I looked decent. Notice I have a hard time saying 'good'. Hippier hips or not, I looked nice. But then, I thought I was fat, much fatter than the rest of the girls and I thought that was the reason I never had a boyfriend. Ho hum... am I ever screwed up.
The more I think about it the more I wonder if maybe it has to do with the fact my Mom started talking to me about the chances of me being a bigger girl when I was mid-elementary age. That's early, isn't it? I remember her putting me on her diet at around 10 or 11... plain fish and lettuce salad with no dressing. And I hated it. I am certain her intentions were right (although I at times over my adult life have wondered if she struggles with some eating issues herself... some of the diets she tries... wow...) at the time, but I wonder if having that idea planted the seed that made comments turn to paranoia a bit. I don't know. All I know is that there is a part of me that really wants to like myself at 170 pounds... not to be out of shape and this weight, but happy and healthy and not worrying about losing ALL... THE... TIME. That would be such a relief.
"But???? Are we invited????"
-
One of my favorite times of day is just after dropping Emme off at school,
as Jax and I walk home hand in hand. We always stay and play a bit at the
schoo...
15 years ago
I also had a lot of the same feelings in high school, but my mom wasn't like that. It does sound like she was trying to prepare you, though now we know just to love our kids unconditionally and just have healthier snacks and meals around... (((hugs))) I see pictures of other people with my height at my weight (in the 170's) and I think they look really good, so I don't get how I think I'm so fat when other people actually do look good at this weight... always such a strange thing...
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