Things that baffle me about this...

Here's a few...

Why I think that weighing myself every day does anything but make me depressed and/or elated depending on the number?

I mean really, the number is just a number and the truth is that throughout the day or even week it will fluctuate depending on all sorts of factors. And in the end, when I was at goal or several pounds below, I wasn't completely satisfied because although I felt better, I still SAW myself as overweight.

I want to be more disciplined in only weighing one time a week, at the same time every week.

I want to chance how I see myself from always being overweight (even when I'm not... will it ever be enough lost?) to being healthy REGARDLESS of the number on the scale. How do I feel? How do my clothes fit?

Why I allow eating to affect how much I enjoy a situation?

I decided not to "start" eating right til after Christmas because I wanted to have the freedom WITHOUT GUILT to eat what I wanted when I wanted. But the fact is, I felt guilty anyway when I was eating more than I should or something that I knew might taste good for a moment but affect my health in a negative way.

I want to learn what it feels like to enjoy food guilt-free knowing I'm making good choices MOST of the time, even if those choices include something not named on my eating plan.

I am in a battle right now as Hubby and I plan to head out in a week for a few days away to celebrate our anniversary. One part of me worries that I'll over-indulge and all this work this week will be for nothing (as if it ever is, that is a whole other baffling thing, thinking NOT doing everything right all the time always negates doing stuff right when you do it right! Ack!!) and another worries that I won't enjoy the time celebrating this very special time because I'll either feel guilty for eating something not knowing exactly how many points it is OR I'll be frustrated because I want to make a good choice and there aren't any that are appealing.

I want to learn the joy of celebrating regardless of the food in front of me. Food should be for nutrition and the occasional celebration, not always a part of each and every celebration.

Why do I think that others are looking at me and seeing only my flaws?

I''ll talk about it more at another time, but I remember one time walking with Hubby and Bug in an evening after I had lost over 50 pounds and was in great shape. And a car drove by. It was no one I knew. And the first thought that went through my head was "i wonder if they're looking at me thinking 'she needs to lose weight'"... what is up with that? Or even seeing some of my friends who supported me while I lost all that weight... would they think less of me because I gained some back? Wow... I must think I have shallow friends that they would care. Wow.

I want to KNOW that I am healthy and healthy for me and be the kind of person who doesn't care what others think of me.

I could go on and on but here's three things to start with (not to mention that Si has completely unstuffed one of my pillows while I wrote this...sigh... yet another hardship in trying to take care of me with a rambunctious toddler around.) Lots to think about...

Update from yesterday: Another good day. I wasn't as hungry but I made wiser choices in the afternoon snack-wise so I had some points to have a snack after I worked out in the evening so I felt better. I'm hoping I can get to the point where all I need is a little bit of tea before bed to be satisfying before bed and after work-out. Not there yet. I had an All Br@n B@r which isn't a bad choice. I also am excited that I got on the treadmill even after I had a meeting that took me out of the house after supper. On the way home I was tempted to get a coffee for me and Hubby and just spend the evening on the couch. I didn't. I did the treadmill for 30 minutes (220 calories) and it was a hard work-out for me at this point. And I did about 20 minutes of pilates of my lower body and four sets of crunches.