Back on Track, and Tracking... and Bye-Bye 170's!!!!

It's been a week, that's all I can say. I made the decision Tuesday morning to get back to tracking since I was seeing my weight creep up. And after just four days of tracking, I'm down... just proving that I'm not ready to do this on my own, not when life is stressful and I'm exhausted. I guess tracking to me, right now, is kind of like an A.A meeting with a sponsor to boot. Writing it down keeps me honest and I'm brutally honest with what I write down. The food diary is my "little voice" on my shoulder saying "are you sure that is your best choice?"

I'm not sure why I felt so much like a failure (someday I will have to work through that feeling once and for all... oh, the somedays keep getting crowded out by the todays and a busy life with kids, sick and well, a hubby who has to work so hard, and home keeping and job searching...) because I HAVE TO track each bite. Why do I beat myself up because I can't seem to control my eating without this tool?

But then, when I think about it, what is wrong with enlisting tools to help get control and keep control? We do it all the time. We use alarms to get our selves up in the morning. Even the exercise machinery in gyms keep people in shape. What is so wrong with using this tool? Nothing. And that's the bottom line. I don't want to become obsessive about it, but when I track I can't fool myself into believing that something is what it isn't. For instance, I tracked breakfast this morning... our typical, planned big Saturday morning breakfast. This is our Saturday AM ritual because it is the only morning that we get to all sit down together as a family. An egg... two pancakes with a bit of syrup each, two pieces of bacon, a cup of fruit. Yummy! But more than half my points for the day. That is reality. Those are calories that I choose to put into my body and I will choose to enjoy them and make sacrifices elsewhere. It means no pizza tonight, or a different snack this afternoon. And the great thing about tracking is that I can have this kind of flexibility, not a rigid "do not eat" diet... I can actually learn to eat and sacrifice to stay within what my body NEEDS, not what I want for my own comfort or just because it tastes good.

Anyway... I am back on track, had a few good workouts, although it's been kind of a wonky week with Hubby travelling (and I usually work out in the evenings when he is here with the kids) and sick kids (yes, again...). But between the treadmill, the tramp, pilates, resistance bands and just old-fashioned reps, I am starting to see some changes in my shape, how my clothes fit and that is my main goal.

As for weight...

Initial weigh in 177.2
Weigh in #2 173.1
Weigh in #3: 172.4
Weigh in #4: 171.3
Weigh in #5: 172.2
Weigh in today: 169.1

It feels good. I'm losing slowly and it is what I can handle. I keep saying over and over "I am doing this for as long as it takes... which for me is for always." Progress, no matter how small, is what matters.

I have reached my first big, planned milestone, to finally get out of the 170's, which hasn't happened in over a year. Yay!!!!! My reward is a pedicure, so now I need to find someplace here (or maybe in Victoria... get it done on my trip! Yeah, that's it!) to pamper myself for awhile.

Now, I'm leaving on this trip on Wednesday (hopefully! Pray we're ALL well, including the families at the farm where kiddos are staying...they've had major illness there too!) and my goal over the next two weeks is to at the very least maintain.

We got a hotel with an exercise room and we're staying downtown by the riverfront where I understand there are lots of amazing places to walk. So I'm planning on making good choices, and exercising but for the most part enjoying this time with my Hubby without the stress of watching each bite, though I plan on not going crazy with my eating just because I am away. If I am making this a lifetime decision it means that there are certain times when the plan is modified to make room for more freedom for a period, knowing I can do good things in order to stay on my plan but still enjoy the time.

So there it is... another update.