New Day

That's what it is... a new day. Starting again, and I'll keep starting again every day if I have to. I can't let a rough weekend, a rough week physically to interfere with doing all I can to be healthy. Good breakfast this morning, and off to a grocery run to get more Core Foods... I think I'm going to try that program from Weight.Watchers for awhile. If nothing else, it will HOPEFULLY decrease the temptation to eat so many sweets (and then think oh, I can just count them and then end up starving and eating way too much in the end)... sugar is a big factor for me and I need to get control, not just for weight loss but for pain control.

And I'm holding onto the fact that finally, this week, I will be getting some tests on my foot which might, just might, lead to a real treatment plan after over two years of gimping around, making the most of it. The pain in my leg (it seems to have crept/creeped up my left leg... weak foot equals weak ankle equals... you get the picture) is starting to affect my sleep and I am so glad that finally, maybe I might be moving forward to some real treatment options.

And next Tuesday is my annual exam. I don't know what to expect except some reassurance that I'm healthier than I feel at the moment. My primary care doc wants me to consider a referral to a Gyn for possible longterm birth control to possibly help with endo pain. I'm not convinced that adding hormones to my body will help. And frankly, I've had no help from anybody in over 10 years of dealing with this. No one gets endo... it's surgery or narcotics... neither treatment solves anything. It may be that menopause will be the only solution but that could still be 10 years away. I might just have to find it somewhere within myself to find my own treatment... diet, exercise, maybe accupuncture and massage, but again, no one has been able to help me specifically or care enough to do research to help figure it out. Oh, except on naturopath, she at least tried but some of her care actually increased the growth of endo... again, she just didn't know, no one does. And then there's the surgery that most likely helped in the short-term. I could do the laparoscopy again but it's only indicated if I have another ovarian mass. So blah... I won't focus on it. I can't focus on it. I can only focus on what I can do which is eat well, exercise, keep my stress levels lower and get sleep.

So there... pulling the hope out of this... I was pretty low this weekend, feeling pretty bad about myself and the fact no one seems to know what to do. That is a truly hopeless feeling. But reality check... no one else is going to take care of me so I have to suck it up and make it happen. And be hopeful and joyful in the process.

I'm excited actually, to be back on track. I want this weight off if nothing else for my own mental health and sense of accomplishment. For me.