Weigh-In, a Truth teller.. of sorts, and getting on with it.

I weighed in yesterday morning... 169.9. I didn't reach my goal which was to NOT gain. I guess you could say that .8 is barely gaining but it is nearly a pound and for me right now, a pound matters. It's a truth teller. I lay in bed Saturday morning contemplating not stepping on the scale, not recording it here, and using all my quite viable excuses to put it in perspective.

I have had to accept something this week... the reality of my ability to exercise and keep the momentum going is going to be hard. I desperately want to. I feel better about myself, have so much energy, love the time to myself to put my headphones on and let Hubby deal with trips to the potty or whines about needing more of this or that, at least for a few minutes. I love it.

So when my period hits hard like it does every week, like it did especially hard this week for whatever random reason, it's depressing. It really is.... because what I want to do and know I am capable of doing is hampered by the reality I have pain that lives in my body, just waiting to drag me down and make me feel bad about myself. That's what it does. I feel like I've failed again somehow because it's been a week since I've exercised and yet... it hit me... I have chronic pain and instead of feeling crabby with myself, and all the negative self-talk that goes with it because I haven't exercised due to the pain my initial days of my cycle bring, shouldn't I be just pushing forward saying "today is a new day... period is gone, not get on with it".

Get on with it. The reality is that unless I make some drastic decisions my situation with pain and my body isn't going to change. I have to be honest with myself and stop feeling sorry for myself and live my reality. At least six days out of each month I won't be able to follow the healthy routine I'm trying to instill in my life, at least exercise wise. The problem becomes that because I don't exercise, I think it gives me the excuse not to track what I'm eating. And I eat all the wrong things which frankly makes the pain worse in the end, and what is that accomplishing.

So I gotta suck it up yet again... no excuses. I may not be able to exercise like I wish I could, but it doesn't mean I can't consider what I eat and make it as healthy as possible. No doctor has been willing to say "this will help your endo pain" but I have discovered some things that have to be cut out, and I just need to stop feeling pity for myself and realize that it's only me who can make me feel better, both physically and emotionally. It's only me. I refuse to get heavier because that just means there is more fat for the estrogen that causes the pain to be stored in.

Yet another truth... I can help the pain by eating right and not sugar binging during my period because it makes me feel better emotionally. Chocolate chip cookies only solve the problem short term, but I still have to work every one of those cookies off my body at some point. They won't magically disappear. When will I get that through my mind?

So I'm facing the truth and getting on with it, and so very glad that today, I can start exercising again and I have three good weeks (minus about a day for ovulation pain when walking is hardly bearable) to exercise ahead of me. And I can commit to track every day, drink my water and get enough rest.

There are no excuses. And that's the truth.

Initial weigh in 177.2
Weigh in #2 173.1
Weigh in #3: 172.4
Weigh in #4: 171.3
Weigh in #5: 172.2
Weigh in #6: 169.1
Weigh in #7: 169.9