After the rant, positive thinking...

It's been a tough week. Between the loss of a good friend to a cruel disease last week, my frustrating doctor's appointment on Tuesday, my cycle doing "the usual"...well, it's been a tough week. I'm tired. But still... I can't help but find some positive stuff to write about. And I am thankful that I'm in a good place where I'm able to do that. So here goes...

1) I'm not fat. I might be 10 pounds over what I should be but I AM NOT FAT. I keep saying this and will keep saying it until I believe it in my heart.

2) My jeans fit nicely. They are not the size I would like them to be but they fit (and dare I say!) don't look too bad either.

3) We went for our first walk in the coulees this week. I did it in spite of pain and frustration. It was wet and chilly but still ahh... fresh air! A year ago, in a week like this, I would have curled up in my bed and ignored the world. Progress.

4) Back to #1... as much as it is frustrating to "be a pear", I am glad I am that and not other body shapes. I think it would be incredibly frustrating to have the struggles with a heavy middle and skinny legs I see some women struggling with. As hard as I find it to get jeans especially since the waist is always huge if my bum fits into the jeans, it must be that much harder to have a 'apple' shape.

5) I've gotten more sleep lately. Probably because I've been too exhausted from not sleeping well... vicious cycle, but I am celebrating today that I think that last night, I didn't wake up once from 10:15 to 6:30. It has been YEARS and I mean YEARS since this has happened. No hubby snoring that I heard, no kids crying out, no pain waking me up... I don't know why it happened, but I'm taking it. I'm continuing to try to be in bed as much as possible by 10pm or a little after. I hope this helps my energy level as well, although it won't help me have time with Hubby since after 10pm seems to be our only time together these days. Catch 22... I'm either sleep deprived and miserable to be around or I'm asleep and not around. Hoping this changes as I pray my health improves.

6) I think my body has finally adjusted to the iron. I woke up this morning with no stomach ache and nausea. It's been a rough two weeks in that area. I hope it gets better from here on out.

7) I got the numbers for a couple of therapeutic massage therapists. This treatment has helped my pain levels alot in the past, and I won't let it get to the point where I start sinking into depression again because of it. And if needed, we'll find an acupuncturist. I have yet to try it because to me it seems kind of scary but others have found it really works. I'm about ready to try anything to help since tradition medicine is failing to do anything.

8) I'm trusting that God will heal me in so many ways, from the pain especially, but also from the false idea that I am "lesser than" because I struggle with food and weight. It is becoming clearer and clearer that I think I'm going to have to start treating some of my bad eating habits as an addiction in order to get it into line. And God can handle it all. I am so grateful that I have a God who cares about such things.

No weigh-in again this week since I'll be gone Saturday morning, traveling home from saying goodbye to my friend Angie, who is already celebrating in heaven. I think I'm pretty much maintaining right now which will have to do.