Day by Day

This morning I cried my way through the shower. Days two and three of my cycle are always hard but it's more complicated when my leg is acting up the way it is as well. I can get to sleep, but staying that way, with achiness and tingling in my foot and hip, and then frequent interruptions to the bathroom (which are a part of my cycle), well, sleep is spare.

I'm really tired. I cried in the shower this morning in hopes that I can get it out and renew my perspective so this is a good day in spite of it all. I am truly looking forward to the possibilities of this day and just praying "Lord make me a blessing". There's a big part of me that wants to scream "does anyone care?" I know they do, but they have their own lives and me complaining about my pain won't do any good because there is nothing they can do to make it better. No one sees the pain. I hide it well, except maybe from Hubby, who after my meltdown last week, I am certain is done hearing about it as well. I'm working on not complaining so much, on taking it day by day and trusting that healing will come one way or the other.

I have two appointments on Monday... one with Dr. H, my family doc. I am asking her to advocate on my behalf to the orthopod who so indelicately told me to "suck it up" the last time I saw him. Hopefully she'll be able to speak to him frankly about my pain and I hope that they are able to add an MRI of the hip to the one scheduled for my foot in mid-July. Yes, the MRI is less than a month away now! Who knew someone could be so excited for a medical test! It's been a long, long journey and a long, long wait for answers. I truly hope they find something to fix, or some way to heal my leg. That is my prayer right now.

My second appointment is with a chiropractor. I went to a massage therapist for therapeutic massage (and wow, did it hurt!) over three months regularly especially for my leg, and she was sorry to say she really didn't know what else to do. There was no improvement. So she suggested chiropractic care. I've had a bad experience before so I made Hubby go (he needed it too!) yesterday to try the guy out and Dr.J seemed to do a good job. So we'll see if he can help me.

Can you tell I'm getting desperate???

I also gained some weight since the last time on the scale and I'm not happy. That can't happen anymore, but I struggle not being able to exercise like I want. We went walking yesterday and it was less than half a mile and I was in some pretty steady pain. So I don't know. I need to eat better but I'm at a loss to find it in me with the stress of my health to be more disciplined about it. How much can a girl take? I guess this much.

I know no one is reading here anymore but this has to be for me. I truly have nowhere else to turn to talk about my health struggles. But I have to find a way to talk about it, and to put things in perspective. I really am in a place of trust right now. Of doctors, yes, but also of God. He has the power to heal and I am trusting that He will do WHAT IS BEST FOR ME, whatever He deems that is.

And I am trusting Him to take me from Day to Day, from Strength to Strength, in the middle of this trial.