How does that happen?

It really does seem like I updated here just a few days ago. My last post was all angsty and trying to be hopeful kind of stuff. My cycle is always such a low point and I'm having a harder and harder time bouncing back. I did experience two really good days right after which I should have written about when they were happening in order to record here that I do have good days! But you know when a good day is happening, who wants to take time to write about it?

But I did have some good days in a row where I was able to be all here and enjoy every minute with my kids... going for walks, to the park or river, to the waterpark or just hanging around the backyard. We've been spending alot of time outside and that always feels good. Swimming lessons last week, not to mention TWO holidays took up a lot of time and have been so fun. I really do have a great life in spite of the tough things and I keep working to focus on that!

Right now, I'm just past mid-cycle, so the pain I have from ovulation is on the way out. And I'm one week into a new treatment plan that is a combined effort of my family doctor, a new chiropractor and my Weight Watchers eating plan. I can say this... I haven't really seen that much improvement over all in my pain both related to my foot or the endo, but it does feel good to be trying something instead of gritting my teeth and trying to get by. And I've also been more diligent to focus on my prayer life, to continually give it all back to God, to allow him to carry me from strength to strength. I am trusting him to pick me up when the day is hard and for God to support my choice (after all I have free will!) to be joyful even in the hard stuff. And he does. He really does, when I let him.

A week ago, I had two doctor appointments. I went to see DocH (my family doc) in order to talk a little bit more through what his happening with the increasing pain up my right leg, now affecting more and more my already painful (thanks to endo!) lower back. My greatest concern was whether or not the orthopod should be exploring potential secondary damage to my hip, which is causing me lots of pain right now. She doesn't think that an MRI or anything would show anything more, so we'll focus that test on the primary location my left foot. (BY THE WAY, the MRI is THIS MONTH, in fact TWO WEEKS from tomorrow!!! Yay!!!!) But upon exam, she was concerned about inflammation of the cartilage in my pelvis and prescribed a cream to use as an anti-inflammatory when the pain gets too bad. That has helped, that an icing my foot, back and hip a couple times a day.

DocH also wanted to discuss again the pending decision about a hysterectomy. She had received Dr. D's letter after my consult with him (he's the gynie) and she said she was shocked to hear his assessment, that from his exam my pelvis was one of the worst he'd "seen". She said he spoke about the risks of the surgery and the need to have the pre-op care (Lupron for three months) as being vital to keeping the risks as minimal as possible. She said he's not worried, just conservative. Once again, it shakes me to hear stuff like this. I am intentionally NOT worrying (because it doesn't do me that much good considering stress increases my pain) about this right now since the ultrasound is still over two months away, but I guess if nothing else, it confirms why I am exhausted most days and that I need to stop feeling guilty for not being able to do as much, for the need to rest, or even for the struggle to keep my spirits up. I have a reason for feeling rough. And I just have to hang on and pray that we'll find a way to health for me. Pray. That's all I know to do right now.

I also started last Monday seeing a chiropractor at both my family doc and massage therapist's prompting. I haven't always felt that I've received helpful care from chiros, but this guy is incredibly thorough and willing to tell me not only what he is about to do but why. And he is concerned that I not only come in for treatments but also keep exercising and eating well. I have seen him three times so far and he is convinced that we'll make progress but says we'll have to work through issues slowly. My body is just pretty much out of whack thanks to my altered gait of almost three years. And I will admit it here... I am more pain right now than I was when we started. Dr.J said to expect this. So I'm trying to trust him.

And nutritionally speaking, I've been experimenting and I realize that there are some things that I LOVE that are affecting how I feel quite alot. And it is stuff I can cut out if I want to... like chocolate, ice cream, fried foods, sweets and chips. Ugh. all stuff that is comfort to me. It seems I come full circle in that I'd love to get rid of these things because I don't need to be comforted by food anymore, but then they start affecting me adversely and I have to get rid of them? I don't want to HAVE TO. So many things I HAVE to do... I want to want to. But the fact it, I have to. Slowly but surely, they're going...going...gone. They have to if I'm going to feel good.

And vitamins... back on schedule there and my body has adjusted pretty well to the iron I should have been taking all along. So that is good.

I'm trying to get healthy. All I can do is try and work hard to keep embracing each moment, choosing joy and trusting God will get me through the times when my strength is gone.

There's an update... oh by they way, I don't want to talk about weigh tloss right now. I need to lose about ten pounds. I want to. But I can't focus just on the pounds right now. There's too much else going on health wise. I just want to be healthy.