A bit *lilbit* of an update...

I have to update a bit on my health... I had an MRI mid-July that wasn't difinitive so the doc decided to try a cortisone shot. It didn't work. We're back to square one. There is evidence of a stress fracture at the site of my old break from three years ago. But I can't get back into see the doc for another month so again, I'm waiting. And managing my activity so I can manage the pain. I can still walk, and do what I need to do. Things could be worse. I just hope there's a solution somewhere down the road. Praying that it is so.

As for the possibility of hysterectomy, I finally, after almost five months of waiting, had my ultrasound yesterday. I see the gyn surgeon on Thursday. I admit I'm grieving, although no one would be able to tell, except Hubby and well, maybe the ultrasound tech. She was quite sympathetic and I appreciate it when a health care person stops a minute and says "I'm sorry". This is not how I thought our journey trying for a pregnancy and hoping to experience childbirth would end. I have always hoped and believed in a miracle, that God would make it happen for me like he did for Sarah and Rachel and Elizabeth...and so many others since. But once again, I am on a journey of trusting a God who loves me, who desires my good, even when things don't turn out how I thought they would. But barring anything else, I am heading towards a hysterectomy possibly as early as early January. The wheels of health care turn at their own pace so I'm not holding my breath as to the timing. But I am trusting that God has a plan to heal my body. And trusting His Heart for my family. I know I am blessed in spite of barrenness. I do not live without hope because God has given me so much. He has proven Himself to be true even in the hard times, even when I didn't want to see Him. He is God. And I am trusting Him and basking in the knowledge that He is walking with me through this. He has not abandoned me because I didn't get this dream come true, this experience. He is loving me through it, and I trust grieving my loss right alongside me.So yeah... life is full and good and one day at at time. hope to be back again soon.

And my weight... honestly? I'm holding steady and with everything going on, that is a good thing. I'm concerned that I get complete control on my eating these days as the meds that I might take for the months prior to the hysterectomy may cause weight gain. And since my exercise options are limited due to the foot/hip/back pain, I am working to set the tone now, so that I don't gain in the next three months. I am accepting very slowly that managing my weight is a daily battle. I don't think I'll ever not think about it. I am also accepting that at 170 or so, I'm not FAT. I need to get in shape. But I am not FAT.

So that's it.