Update...

I'm maintaining my goal weight.  You read that right.  I'm down 18.6 pounds, into my normal BMI, and have been maintaining for 12 weeks.  My new plan worked, losing close to 15 inches in a short period of time as well.  I am working on contentment here, and getting rid of the jiggly that remains.  A firmer, stronger, less pain-filled body is my next goal, now that my weight seems to be under control.

Goals for this week:

Walk or bike, inside or out, three times this week.

Do pilates and resistance training at least three times this week.

I have physio therapy three times this week as well, and it kicks my backside pain-wise, but hopefully, between the therapy, and assigned exercises, I am on my way to having a stronger, healthier body, and soon.

I have a new plan.

It's working.  7.7 pounds down.  11 to go.  And I can't wait to measure on June 17.

Measurements...

Taken April 17

calf  16"
thigh 26 1/2 "
hip 44"
waist 32"
2 " below waist 37 1/2 "
chest 39"
arm 11 1/2"

weight 173.5

Yes, not stellar... but I'm trying again.  I want to be healthy.  I say that to myself every time I want a piece of carrot cake. 

I want to be healthy.

The Opposite of Stellar is...

most definitely my week.  I have been stress eating like crazy this week, this after getting some answers about some life situations that should have reduced my stress.  My pain is higher right now.  I have been assuming it is because of the physio therapy on my back and leg, but I also wonder if it has alot to do with the levels of refined sugar I've been eating (read: chocolate chip cookies).  I know...I know.  Not great choices.  I own my choices and they haven't been good.  My only saving grace this week has been that I've walked several times and continued to drink my water, and done the toning and strengthening exercises assigned at physio.  I can celebrate that I guess.  But I want to be stellar, and look good.  I really do.  Why I keep sabotaging myself is beyond me. 

I'm researching the "core" foods according to We.ight W.atchers.  I have been giving myself alot of leeway point wise on that program and it is obviously not working.  I need to have some boundaries I guess, as it seems I'm not strong enough to make it work on my own.  So we'll see. 

I plan on taking my measurements today too.  Part of my goal right now is not so much pounds, but inches.  I have to get back into my summer wardrobe and I won't right now because of the inches I gained post-surgery.  So that has to be my first goal. 

Today I weighed in at 172.2  Yes, I gained back four pounds in the last month, the same four pounds I have been losing over and over again since mid-February.  So there.  It's out there.  I'm being honest about my struggle.  I just wish there was an easy solution.  But healthy eating has never been my strong point.  I have to figure out how to change that. 

Where did I Go? And once again, another start.

I've been trying to live life and heal and get stronger these last almost two months.  And for the most part I have.  I have had many, many, many days with a lighter heart, increasing energy and a growing sense of wellness.  A recent event in our extended family has left me somewhat distracted and stressed and as that event has turned into a potentially long term uncertainty for us, I am wondering how I'm supposed to get rid of the fear of the unknown of it all yet again.  It sounds vague but if you go to my other blog you'll probably get the gist of it.  Needless to say, I have to figure this out, another start in order to continue towards health and lightheartedness in spite of this hanging over our heads.  I will not allow the unknown to once again make me head down a dark road.

So my plan, what little it is is to...

keep on working at exercising and building my strength (and losing some of that cellulite and inches too!).  I have to find a way not to focus on weight but rather health.  All that my weight does is cause me to get down.  In light of the I plan to...

only weigh once a week for now, and take my measurements starting tomorrow to see if I start losing inches, even if the pounds aren't falling off.  And instead  of counting every calorie...

I'll focus on doing my best, not eating every single bite absolutely right.  Even if two out of three meals are perfect, and snacks are healthy and I drink my water like I should, I should make progress.  I might plateau at some point, but PERFECTION at this point is not possible.  I'm concentrating on exercise first, and...

balance.  Where is the balance?  When I get stressed I tend to try to find distractions which include all sorts of things that mean I don't get the real stuff of life done.  So it means I'm working at reading more, watching TV less.  Doing more projects around the house and yard, being online less.  I hope I can still write alot, but for now, I'm going to try. 

So there it is. 

I weighed in this morning to 172.2 ... not happy about that at all.  I'd like to be 159 by the end of May but at this rate, losing and re-losing the same four pounds over and over, I have to work hard.  Today is a new day.  Let's see what comes of it. 

As an aside, I start physio regularly again for the next several weeks in hopes of continuing to get healing for my back/hip/leg/foot pain.  I also hope more exercise will allow me to be stronger as well for that.  MRI (now 6 months and counting in the wait) is finally at the end of this month.  Hopefully, something positive will come out of this.  Until though, I am managing.  It is amazing how much easier it is to manage the back/foot pain without the belly pain with it.  So progress, I guess.

And when all is said and done, it has been almost four years since I was absolutely physically fit.  That needs to be my goal for now. I just want to feel better.  And I want to feel better about myself. Period.

Another day, another couch surf

I admit it feels pretty good to rest.  I so needed these two days and will have to find a way to make it up to my dear Hubby for his sweetness to me.  Sounds like he and the kids have had a great time, and are on their way home. 

I have just been focused on NO stress, YES rest.  Not worrying about what I'm eating, but definitely not making terrible choices either.  I know these next few months are going to be alot of hard work getting healthy again.  I need to prepare for that.  Pray for strength.  And healing.  And hope that I have the personal strength to rise above, be a good Mom and wife and homemaker, be strong. 

I am strong.  I have made it through alot.  I can make it through this.  I am hopeful.  That goes a long way.  Today is probably my last really free day to rest.  I am soaking up every minute.  Tomorrow is the first day of getting back to normal.  Hope I'm up to it!

Rest

I love my Hubby more than words can say.  Without even consulting me, he made a plan to take the kids with him to the farm for the weekend so I could have the house to myself to rest.  I've already taken one nap, a shower, done some writing, and now I'm hunkering down with a movie. 

Rest.  It's what I need.   I wish I was better at it.  And I wish my three loves didn't have to leave in order for me to have it.  I just hope and pray that my energy returns soon. 

Healthy steps today:
Rest.
Keep the fire going, which means regular movement up and down the steps
Eat well.  Veggie soup.  Health snacks.
Drink water.
Vitamins.
Rest/

175.4

Ugh.  I'm just putting it here because I need this mile marker.  I've had several dear friends say, take it easy.  Six week postop... I have to be kind to myself.  But it's hard to see hard work seemingly deteriorate while I rest and heal. 

I have to trust though, that I'm doing the right thing right now.  No, every bite isn't measure or even the perfect choice (frankly, I've made alot of indulgent choices in the last couple weeks that have affected this number).  But I am doing what is right to heal. 

And even more, I am not my weight in numbers.  My health in general encompasses so much more than that.  This is just a number.  Yeah, it's a number that I don't want to see increased but it is just a number. 

All I can do is hope that if I give myself time, in months, a year, I will feel like a new person physically.  Give it time.  And take healthy steps toward that goal.

Today my healthy steps so far today include...

• making veggie soup and actually eating it for lunch
• Cutting up veggies to snack on
• porridge for breakfast
• took my vitamins
• drank water
• no chocolate or sugary snacks
• got on the wait list for more physio (only three week wait, yay!)
• took time out to rest and read
• asked our babysitter to come fort the afternoon to entertain the kids so I could rest
• wrote down what I ate
• exercise... up and down the stairs to keep the fire going; walked 5 blocks round trip to make physio appointment

New Days

I'm almost six weeks post op hysterectomy.  I'm ready.  For what?  To start today, another day towards healing.  I go back to the doc on Tuesday.  Hopefully he'll release me to do more exercising.  It'll be tough as I'm more weary than I remember being in a really long time.  And the day to day... well, I'm trusting that there will be enough energy to take care of my family and a little left over to take care of me.  Trusting is all I can do right now, and hope that I'll find health through all the hard work, along the way.

I am so blessed to have such a great Hubby.  He has adjusted his work schedule to help me get the kids to school these next couple weeks.  And he's taking the kids on a roadtrip Saturday and Sunday so I can rest.  And even more, he loves me just the way I am.  I could never ask for a kinder, gentler, more loving man to walk with me on this path.

I start physio again today, 10 weeks of two sessions per week.  This is for my back/hip/leg/foot and the probable ~ still waiting for another MRI scheduled for the end of April ~ nerve entrapment (or sciatica?) that is there.  I'm in pain but trusting that this too, will work out. 

My recovery these last six weeks as been progressive. Slowly, less pain in the incision, less pain in the abdominal muscles.  I'm still dealing with a fair bit of bowel pain which ugh...I thought would be gone but I think it is a matter of being diligent about my diet and certain foods that seem to affect things.  And I still have some bladder pain that worries me but hopefully the doc can shed some light on that as well.  Mostly, I'm just tired, and still have a bit of a foggy brain.  I'm not myself yet.  I hope to be myself again very soon.  I want my energetic, joyful spirit back.  Time.  Time.

The best thing is that without my cycle, there isn't the cyclical pain that overwhelms me.  Nothing so far in ovary pain with the exception of one night when I'm pretty certain my ovaries "woke up" because the hot flashes from the L.upron have slowly decreased to none.  THAT is a blessing.  It means sleep happens more readily.  And hopefully, the anxiety will subside soon as well.

That's it.  Progress.  I'm making it.  I am moving towards health. 

Goals:
Eat within my WW points for the day.
Drink water.
Physio.
Go to bed by 10:30.